Death Of A Good Thing

By Staci Welch-Bartley

A man died from a hernia operation, leaving his wife and five children to carry on without him. For those of you who do not know what a hernia is, allow me to provide you a brief description. A hernia occurs when an organ pushes through an opening in the muscle or tissue that holds the organ in place. This man’s hernia was caused from the intestines breaking through a weakened area in his abdominal wall. 

Now this man was not a wealthy man but it was not his lack of medical attention that caused his death. He received exceptional medical care, and five days earlier, a surgery was performed to repair the improper opening in his abdomen. He was also not a lazy man. He worked tirelessly to provide and sustain his wife and children to the best of his abilities. 

The family’s needs were met. They had a modest but comfortable home furnished with all the accessories necessary to be comfortable. The man was even able to create a family staycation every year in spite of their tight finances. Yes, they stayed in their own hometown, and the hotel was their very own home, but they created some incredible adventures, and above all else they were together! Yes they did live paycheck to paycheck, but they had grown accustomed to living with little, and still living much.

And then came the hernia…

When he was first struck with the pain of the hernia he thought it was just something that would go away like a stomachache. This quickly progressed into missing several days at work because of his non-stop vomiting. He finally sought medical attention when he realized that he did not have the ability to will his pain away.

The emergency room doctor told him that immediate surgery was necessary. He was going to require some reconstruction as well because he had let this go on for far too long. The man began complaining and pleading for a different remedy; because he knew that this surgery would be financially devastating for his family. No staycation this year, and Christmas was looking starting to look shaky.

The surgery and the necessary reconstruction were performed six hours later, followed by a day in the hospital. By all accounts everything went well. Until four days later he was found deceased in his bed.

How did this happen we ask? The man did not follow the instructions to take some time off of work to heal and recover. Instead, the next day he went back to work thinking that was his better option for his family’s finances. 

The man was so worried about his family and their wellbeing. His desire to keep things as they were was all he could think about. Now his family must carry on without him at all. 

Do you see how this relates to us in our relationships? When we have a problem or challenge welling up inside of us that needs to be expressed, or something is taking place that needs to be given some time and some nurturing care, we often choose to ignore it.

Instead of tending to our internal cry for help, we push it to the bottom of our priority list because we make it up that this is the way to keep the relationship alive and thriving. We don’t say anything, we won’t mention what we have an issue with, or share what we long for to feel happy and fulfilled. Instead we let our pain lie dormant after words of caution, and simply get back to work.

In the end, our relationship will die because of our choice, and we will be left to carry on.

Are you like the man in the story?