Dating After Divorce...Is Telling The Truth Really A Good Idea?

By Staci Welch-Bartley

“When should I tell a person that I am dating about my transgender son?” asked one of my clients.

I looked into her eyes and drew in a long breath and my client waited intently for my answer.  “Let me ask you a question.” I replied. Her shoulders dropped and she gasped as she realized I wasn’t going to just give her the answer.  “You always gotta make me work for it, don’t ya?” she teased. “Ok what’s your question?” she sighed. 

So I asked my client to imagine she was looking at accepting a position at a new company. I said, “Even if you are really excited about the work you’d be doing at the new job, wouldn’t you want all of the information and details about your potential job duties and the and details about the company as a whole before you committed? Things like your salary and the holiday, vacation, and sick pay? You’d ask what skills and duties will be required of you, what days do you’d need to work, and how many hours a day they’d need you, among other things.”

“Why yes of course.” my client replied.

I continued. “What if you accepted this job and after the first week you realize that what you have been told is not the situation or your experience at all. Actually there were a lot of details about the duties of the job, like the times they needed you and your benefits promised that were not shared with you. The job turned out to be much different than what you agreed and committed to. How would you feel about your job?” 

“Well I would probably quit!” she impatiently professed.

I asked, “Even if you were really close with your boss? Even if you had a deep friendship established between the two of you before accepting the job?”

“Yes, I probably would,” replied my client, “because I would have felt lied too.”

“Exactly!” I shouted out!

“Why then would you want to withhold details about your life when inviting another person to come and be a part of your world? Are you thinking like most of us do that you will get them to fall in love with you first before you pull the REAL you out of the bag and surprise them…Do you not think they deserve to truly know all the details necessary to make a clear choice before choosing to commit fully? Isn’t this what you hope you are getting from the man your dating? Also, you want him to commit fully if you decided to move forward don’t you, and not be in this relationship because he feels obligated…you want him to commit to you just because he loves and desires to be with you right?” I asked.

“Yes, yes of course,” she replied.

“Then share yourself so he can truly choose in and you can feel good about being YOU! Otherwise, you are setting yourselves up for a short relationship journey. After all, having a transgendered son makes you colorful, fascinating, and unique. It serves as the perfect filter for finding that special someone with whom you can deeply love and connect with and he has the desire to reciprocate.” I continued.

In business, they call this your USP or Unique Selling Proposition! In relationships, we call it your UCP or Unique Connection Proposition. Now use it to your advantage!

What is your UCP? Boldly own it, claim it, and share it with us…