Getting pregnant at 17-years-old brought about many challenges for me. Yes, there were the logistics but it was the emotional impact of it all that tripped me up for YEARS!
Seeing how my circumstance affected my family broke my heart, and the stories I made up about myself because I had done such a thing caused me to struggle in relationships for the next 30+ years.
The shame and guilt I felt crippled me and prevented me from being able to see the beauty in myself!
Perhaps you have such a story? Something in your past that you feel so guilty and shameful about, that you can’t see or refuse to see the beauty in yourself?
When clients ask me the question, “Is it me? Am I the reason I can’t find love?” My answer is almost always “Yes, it IS you!” You can only imagine the reactions that follow…
Let me be clear, it is you. But, NOT because there is something wrong with you, but because you refuse to accept and love yourself, just like I did.
When you don’t see the gifts and beauty from your past AND in your present, it shows. An unaccepted YOU causes you to show up in relationships as either insecure and needy, or standoffish and cynical, both of which do not produce a great result for love and connection.
Trust me on this one…I know from experience! So many of us try to bury the past or live in a state of constant regret and shame. I sometimes feel like a broken record but if there is one thing I wish I could have taken to heart earlier on in my life, and I could have my clients immediately take to heart, it is this:
There is no such thing as a failed relationship!
Don’t think of circumstances and relationships that didn’t work out as failures; instead, think of them as learning experiences!
Everything you have gone through in life, all your ups and downs, have made you into the amazing person you are today. Own it!
If you need a little help with letting go of the past, I encourage you to read our tips on learning how to start living now.
Stop allowing your past to keep you from living and loving again. It’s time to begin and continue the practice of accepting and loving yourself…your beautiful past and ALL!
Having lived through this myself, I have learned how to quiet the shameful, ugly voice inside my head with this one practice:
Don’t sit still for your negative thinking and criticism…challenge it! Get up, and give it something to do!
Here are some of my favorite tricks to help you:
If you’re more comfortable staying on the sensible side…
- Call a friend
- Write a love letter to yourself in the third person
- List your accomplishments
- List your dreams
- Turn on some uplifting music and sing and dance
- Find a new hobby/interest
- Read an inspiring book
- Listen to an inspiring podcast. *A couple of my favorite are Magic Lessons and The Charged Life.
If none of those work for you, don’t stop! Go crazy and…
- Go for a midnight walk
- Go to the park and swing
- Roll down a hill
- Build a fort and read books with a flash light or have a picnic
- Moon bathe…naked?
- Unleash your inner artist and color or paint
The key here is this: First comes action, then comes love and inspiration!
I learned over many years that it’s important to LOOK back for learning and growth, but not to GO back and live there. Don’t let guilt and shame rob you of your zest for life and love any longer, and certainly not 30 years! Dust yourself off, get back up, give yourself A TON of credit for all you have lived through…and get living again.
So, when you ask me the question “Is it me?” and I say “Yes!” Know that I am empathically pleading...
“Please accept and love YOURSELF! Your magnificent, just as you are!”
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