“I love you, please don’t go,” I desperately wanted to say; but instead my fears of rejection were running my show.
I decided to appear emotionally unaffected and continued to present my air of indifference, by not allowing myself to share the love for him I so deeply felt.
My lover had fears of his own he was desperately working hard to manage.
“I want to propose to you in one moment,” he said, “and end our relationship moments later. Sorry Stace, I can’t do this anymore. I have got to move on, goodbye.”
As he walked out the door, I remember comforting myself by saying...
“He will see we were meant to be together, he and I…I will give it some time and he will come running back!”
He never came back...
After absolutely no contact for several days, the reality set in...
He was not coming back.
I cried and cried.
For a long time, I cried.
There were endless thoughts of what might have been.
I couldn’t stop wondering what would have happened if I had not been such a damn wimp.
The regret of not saying what I needed to say haunted me for years, even more so than the loss of the relationship.
Truth is...I lacked courage!
The courage to express myself, my fears, my heart. The courage to risk and share myself fully with another human being.
Had I shared my true feelings in that moment, I am not saying it would have saved the relationship, but it would have definitely created a very different ending.
I understand now how I could have created an ending filled with love, appreciation, and most of all understanding for everything that was shared between us.
By increasing my understanding I could have diminished my fears of intimacy that were running my relationship experience.
Instead…my fears were affirmed, so they grew.
I robbed myself of any chance at feeling complete with our relationship; thereby, causing myself more pain.
The insidious pain of regret!
The end result for me was a heightened sense of needing to be more careful.
The voice inside of my head told myself often...
“Don’t get too deep, too connected, too committed, too ‘in love’ next time…you idiot!”
So it goes for most of us struggling with our fears of intimacy and commitment.
Dying will come naturally, but the courage to live and love will not!
In the moment my lover was saying goodbye, I desperately needed some courage, but I didn’t have any.
Courage is something that we can all learn and develop. It can be exhilarating to experience, and it won’t cost you any cash to get some. Just some butterflies in your stomach, and perhaps some sweaty armpits.
See, most of us develop our courage by accident. We don’t give it much thought at all and yet...it is the very thing we need when finding ourselves wrestling with our fears.
I want to introduce you to CPT.
CPT is like CPR in that it will revive you and bring you back to life when your fears overtake you.
CPT is a Lease On Love practice we use with our clients for helping them manage their fears of intimacy and commitment and I am going to give you this remedy for free right now.
Are you thinking, “Hey wait a minute, I am not sure how commitment-phobic and fearful I am when it comes to relationships?”
For our next several blog posts I will commit to teach you what CPT is, and how it works.
And guess what, the practice of CPT begins with C.
C for COURAGE
What is courage anyway? And, how do you develop it? Have you ever wondered?
I have. So, I looked it up.
Did you have the same experience I did when I read the meaning?
The nodding of your head up and down thinking, "Yep….that’s it, that’s courage!"
We simply must develop the courage to share our thoughts, our feelings, ourselves with another in order to create deep, intimate, committed, relationships.
“Certainly, no one who has ever succeeded in love has ever played it safe.”
How do you go about developing the courage necessary for love…for life? In 6 exhilarating steps!
The next time you have something you desire to say or do, you’re going to be ready because you will have developed the courage necessary to live… and to LOVE!
Now that sounds simply wonderful!
Coming up in next week’s blog, the P part of our CPT remedy.
Would this blog post be helpful to a friend or family member or perhaps an old boyfriend or girlfriend?
Is there someone that could use some love from you right now?
Please help us spread the love by passing this along.
We all need a little love and support from time to time.
Listen to the audio version of this blog here.
If you liked this post, please let us know. Tell us and others about developing your courage…what did you do? How did it feel?
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