How many failures does it take to find happiness in relationships?


By Staci Welch-Bartley


Another round of those deep sick feelings began to build in the pit of my stomach, along with the need to crawl in a hole somewhere quick. And then came the sleepless nights as my mind refused to shut up with thoughts of “how did this happen?” and “I thought this one was different?” What was wrong with me? Would I ever get this love thing figured out? And then the original thought of emotional escape came to me. Maybe I should call that guy I met at the coffee shop…he said all I had to do was call. No no, bad idea! So I decided to just give up, and forget about relationships…they never worked out anyway.

I took a breath, closed my eyes in spite of the tears, and attempted to re-gather my thoughts. I asked myself what each of my relationships had given me, was there anything more than the pain that I was feeling?

Here is the conversation I had with myself:

“OK. Well there is Rex, he gave me a place of refuge and a sense of belonging when my sense of safety at home was compromised, so grateful… And let’s see…Quinn taught me about the different levels of passion, when I kissed him it was like kissing my brother and I finally called it quits! Dale was so extraordinarily different he expanded me physically, mentally, emotionally, intellectually, and gave me incredible children. He is also the reason that I was not allowed to stay in the safe cocoon of my religion.  Shit it use to piss me off when he would come home after a few day binge and blow my perfect happy religious family paradigm sky high! Because of your contribution to my life Dale, I finally realized I had a choice…GROW or DIE!  Thank you, thank you.

Shane, blessed me with humor, connection, and showed me I had value and worth. He would tell me, ‘You’re a princess, don’t you ever let anyone mistreat you!’

Oz gave love and support to me and the kids when we needed it most. Oz also taught me so much about business and life…oh and then he gave me a beautiful son. I had expanded my capacity to love myself and others.

Troy showed me what unconditional love feels like, and was masterful at creating fantastic adventures for us to explore and experience. I was finally able to embrace and express my creativity and accept all of me. All my good parts, all my messy parts, and let go of the greatest parts of my heavy and cumbersome baggage. How lucky was I to have something that made saying goodbye so hard.”

Oh hey wait, I was beginning to feel better, I saw that I didn’t have any failed relationships just a personal journey that created me.

And my next partner who you will all know as Tom…he takes my breath away and is the pinnacle of my life’s work!

13 Ways To Move On From A Breakup

13 Ways To Move On From A Breakup

By Staci Welch-Bartley

When it comes to breakups and broken hearts, the quote that I love and share with my clients to help calm the stormy feelings is:

 “As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I, in a love relationship, do not lead the other person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true love and is best let go of.”
- Leo Buscaglia

Real love is dedicated to a continual becoming of the self (YOU), and when for any reason this process ceases, love becomes tedious and listless, and is doomed to fade, decay, and destroy itself.

True love should never ask us to be someone or something that we are not. EVER. And conversely, we should never ask someone to be with us when the relationship impedes him or her or forces our partner to be someone that they are not. When this happens, it is the beginning of the end.

I thought it might be helpful for those of you that find yourself realizing that its time to breakup or are recovering from a recent breakup, to know that love ceases when it does not lead us back to expanding ourselves. Chances are, this is probably why your relationship is ending right now (or has recently ended). Although it does not feel like it in this moment, this realization is a good thing. Love awaits you again when you’re ready. I promise.

Below is a list of 13 things you can do right now that will help you begin to mend your broken and disappointed heart. These activities will also help you to see the gifts that your love has left for you to discover and unwrap. 

Let’s search and find the gifts your relationship has left you. (I promise, they are there!)

  1. Don’t be afraid of your feelings, if you allow them, they will guide you to a better place.
  2. Create a list of things that you are angry about.
  3. Create a list of your disappointments.
  4. Create a list of things you wish you had done differently.
  5. What can you do to implement these changes NOW in your life?
  6. Create a list of things you admired, enjoyed, and miss about your past partner.
  7. Write a letter addressed to your past partner (or partners) sharing with them the contributions you are aware that they gifted you and express your gratitude for their contribution to your life.
  8. Read the same letter to yourself, substituting your name for theirs.
  9. Create a list of all the things you want to forgive yourself for.
  10. Create a vision board with all of the new things you want in your next love creation. (This is what we call relationships at Lease On Love.)
  11. Take massive action towards three things you want to develop for yourself that you added to your vision board.
  12. Cry when necessary. (It “cleans out the pipes” as my mom used to say.)
  13. Breathe and move your body often. (At least once a day.)

Can you see the amazing and beautiful YOU yet?