By Staci Welch-Bartley
When it comes to breakups and broken hearts, the quote that I love and share with my clients to help calm the stormy feelings is:
“As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I, in a love relationship, do not lead the other person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true love and is best let go of.”
- Leo Buscaglia
Real love is dedicated to a continual becoming of the self (YOU), and when for any reason this process ceases, love becomes tedious and listless, and is doomed to fade, decay, and destroy itself.
True love should never ask us to be someone or something that we are not. EVER. And conversely, we should never ask someone to be with us when the relationship impedes him or her or forces our partner to be someone that they are not. When this happens, it is the beginning of the end.
I thought it might be helpful for those of you that find yourself realizing that its time to breakup or are recovering from a recent breakup, to know that love ceases when it does not lead us back to expanding ourselves. Chances are, this is probably why your relationship is ending right now (or has recently ended). Although it does not feel like it in this moment, this realization is a good thing. Love awaits you again when you’re ready. I promise.
Below is a list of 13 things you can do right now that will help you begin to mend your broken and disappointed heart. These activities will also help you to see the gifts that your love has left for you to discover and unwrap.
Let’s search and find the gifts your relationship has left you. (I promise, they are there!)
- Don’t be afraid of your feelings, if you allow them, they will guide you to a better place.
- Create a list of things that you are angry about.
- Create a list of your disappointments.
- Create a list of things you wish you had done differently.
- What can you do to implement these changes NOW in your life?
- Create a list of things you admired, enjoyed, and miss about your past partner.
- Write a letter addressed to your past partner (or partners) sharing with them the contributions you are aware that they gifted you and express your gratitude for their contribution to your life.
- Read the same letter to yourself, substituting your name for theirs.
- Create a list of all the things you want to forgive yourself for.
- Create a vision board with all of the new things you want in your next love creation. (This is what we call relationships at Lease On Love.)
- Take massive action towards three things you want to develop for yourself that you added to your vision board.
- Cry when necessary. (It “cleans out the pipes” as my mom used to say.)
- Breathe and move your body often. (At least once a day.)
Can you see the amazing and beautiful YOU yet?