Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay: A Letter From A Broken Heart

Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay: A Letter From A Broken Heart

As I was going through some old letters a few days ago, I came across a letter I wrote to a past partner years ago. It reminded me of the heartbreak that can sometimes come with love as well as the personal growth it can demand out of us. 


I feel so far away from the one that I use to be so connected to!

I wonder and ponder the questions in my mind endlessly

Has our time together come to an end?

Is it not possible to make it last forever?

Is it possible to re-embrace the feeling of being totally into you in the future?

Have the gifts given between us come to an end? Do I need to face living on my own again?


Let Freedom Ring!

Let Freedom Ring!

I was finally FREE! I had finally created a sense of freedom for myself from the bondage of my 13-year marriage. I could feel the sense of anticipation for a new life building in me as my soon-to-be ex-husband and I were sorting through our accumulated belongs; deciding what would be going to my new place, and what would remain in what used to be our family home.

Oh sure, there had been incredible moments and memories shared that I would treasure and remember forever, however the last three years of our marriage were filled with all manner of dysfunction. The physical and verbal abuse sadly got to the point that one of our children spoke to the school counselor and the counselor called Child Protective Services! Unfortunately, that is what it took for me to take massive action in pursuing my freedom, both for myself, and my five innocent children.

Dating After Divorce...Is Telling The Truth Really A Good Idea?

By Staci Welch-Bartley

“When should I tell a person that I am dating about my transgender son?” asked one of my clients.

I looked into her eyes and drew in a long breath and my client waited intently for my answer.  “Let me ask you a question.” I replied. Her shoulders dropped and she gasped as she realized I wasn’t going to just give her the answer.  “You always gotta make me work for it, don’t ya?” she teased. “Ok what’s your question?” she sighed. 

So I asked my client to imagine she was looking at accepting a position at a new company. I said, “Even if you are really excited about the work you’d be doing at the new job, wouldn’t you want all of the information and details about your potential job duties and the and details about the company as a whole before you committed? Things like your salary and the holiday, vacation, and sick pay? You’d ask what skills and duties will be required of you, what days do you’d need to work, and how many hours a day they’d need you, among other things.”

“Why yes of course.” my client replied.

I continued. “What if you accepted this job and after the first week you realize that what you have been told is not the situation or your experience at all. Actually there were a lot of details about the duties of the job, like the times they needed you and your benefits promised that were not shared with you. The job turned out to be much different than what you agreed and committed to. How would you feel about your job?” 

“Well I would probably quit!” she impatiently professed.

I asked, “Even if you were really close with your boss? Even if you had a deep friendship established between the two of you before accepting the job?”

“Yes, I probably would,” replied my client, “because I would have felt lied too.”

“Exactly!” I shouted out!

“Why then would you want to withhold details about your life when inviting another person to come and be a part of your world? Are you thinking like most of us do that you will get them to fall in love with you first before you pull the REAL you out of the bag and surprise them…Do you not think they deserve to truly know all the details necessary to make a clear choice before choosing to commit fully? Isn’t this what you hope you are getting from the man your dating? Also, you want him to commit fully if you decided to move forward don’t you, and not be in this relationship because he feels obligated…you want him to commit to you just because he loves and desires to be with you right?” I asked.

“Yes, yes of course,” she replied.

“Then share yourself so he can truly choose in and you can feel good about being YOU! Otherwise, you are setting yourselves up for a short relationship journey. After all, having a transgendered son makes you colorful, fascinating, and unique. It serves as the perfect filter for finding that special someone with whom you can deeply love and connect with and he has the desire to reciprocate.” I continued.

In business, they call this your USP or Unique Selling Proposition! In relationships, we call it your UCP or Unique Connection Proposition. Now use it to your advantage!

What is your UCP? Boldly own it, claim it, and share it with us…

The Intersection of Religion and Relationships

The intersection of religion and relationships

By Staci Welch-Bartley

“I have been stuck in a toxic relationship for years because of my religion,” said a courageous woman attending our webinar. I immediately began to feel tears well up in my eyes, and my heart experienced a tug of major deep emotions. You see those are familiar feelings for me. I too was that woman trapped in an unhealthy relationship because of my religion more than 15 years ago.

I grew up in a Mormon household where thankfully, there was much love and support present. Home was always a place I loved to be.

My father died when I was 7-years-old, leaving my mother with me and my four older siblings, a mortgage, and no life insurance.

In the Mormon faith, when you marry it is not just for time, but for all of eternity IF you remain faithful throughout your life. As a family, we clung to our religious beliefs because they were all we knew, and they worked to ease the pain of it all. I remember specifically the feelings of assurance I felt as a child being told that I would see my dad and we would all be a family again. Beliefs like these comforted not only my heart, but the hearts of us all. I promised to be faithful FOREVER!

At the age of 20, I married according to the tenants of my faith; i.e., I was committed to living righteous, virtuous, and ensuring that I raise my children in a faithful home. Within the first 6 months of my marriage, I had that sick feeling inside with a voice deep inside asking, “What have you done?”  However, this thought was countered by, “You married for time and all eternity work it out!” and “Don’t screw up your life forever!”

Over the course of the next 15 years, my husband and I had a total of five children and the marriage had become more and more volatile in spite of me following the tenants of my religion. Attending the temple regularly, fasting and praying reverently, serving my fellow man, and attending to my family and church duties like a champ. Oh, the hours I spent pleading with God to please save me from this situation I found myself in. I was paralyzed by the fears and beliefs within me, the longing for answers and peace were at times unbearable.

Then I met a man I owe my life to…Gary Acevedo. Gary facilitated courses and workshops around personal empowerment. One day as me and about 20 others sat in a circle, and Gary said something that became a huge epiphany for me. “We believe what we are taught,” he said. I instantly felt defensive in response to this phrase. “If you were born in India, you would believe the cow to be sacred, and you certainly would not be making a burger with extra cheese out of it!” “If you were born in parts of Asia you would believe in Buddha.” Gary went along this track of thinking pointing out many beliefs that we hold because they have been taught to us. And then the phrase that made me feel free…“Religion should add to your life, not hold you prisoner. Be brave enough to challenge your beliefs and honor what you know in your heart. For this is where creation shares with you who you really are and opens you up to the potential that you contain within. When you follow this path of truth, there will be no conflicts only internal peace.”

I ended my marriage over the next 18 months. I discovered that God loved me because I am me!

I have no regrets or upset about my upbringing. It is all a part of who I am and have become. And I am so grateful I mustered up the courage to challenge my deep religious prison I had built around my life and embraced my life’s work, Lease On Love. It would have not happened otherwise. The universal teachings of love, family, honesty, kindness that were taught to me as a child, still bless my life to this day. Good is always good!

Courageous soul, if you are feeling like a prisoner, go within and listen to the musings of your heart. Take BOLD action based on what you KNOW. The rest will take care of itself.

13 Ways To Move On From A Breakup

13 Ways To Move On From A Breakup

By Staci Welch-Bartley

When it comes to breakups and broken hearts, the quote that I love and share with my clients to help calm the stormy feelings is:

 “As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I, in a love relationship, do not lead the other person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true love and is best let go of.”
- Leo Buscaglia

Real love is dedicated to a continual becoming of the self (YOU), and when for any reason this process ceases, love becomes tedious and listless, and is doomed to fade, decay, and destroy itself.

True love should never ask us to be someone or something that we are not. EVER. And conversely, we should never ask someone to be with us when the relationship impedes him or her or forces our partner to be someone that they are not. When this happens, it is the beginning of the end.

I thought it might be helpful for those of you that find yourself realizing that its time to breakup or are recovering from a recent breakup, to know that love ceases when it does not lead us back to expanding ourselves. Chances are, this is probably why your relationship is ending right now (or has recently ended). Although it does not feel like it in this moment, this realization is a good thing. Love awaits you again when you’re ready. I promise.

Below is a list of 13 things you can do right now that will help you begin to mend your broken and disappointed heart. These activities will also help you to see the gifts that your love has left for you to discover and unwrap. 

Let’s search and find the gifts your relationship has left you. (I promise, they are there!)

  1. Don’t be afraid of your feelings, if you allow them, they will guide you to a better place.
  2. Create a list of things that you are angry about.
  3. Create a list of your disappointments.
  4. Create a list of things you wish you had done differently.
  5. What can you do to implement these changes NOW in your life?
  6. Create a list of things you admired, enjoyed, and miss about your past partner.
  7. Write a letter addressed to your past partner (or partners) sharing with them the contributions you are aware that they gifted you and express your gratitude for their contribution to your life.
  8. Read the same letter to yourself, substituting your name for theirs.
  9. Create a list of all the things you want to forgive yourself for.
  10. Create a vision board with all of the new things you want in your next love creation. (This is what we call relationships at Lease On Love.)
  11. Take massive action towards three things you want to develop for yourself that you added to your vision board.
  12. Cry when necessary. (It “cleans out the pipes” as my mom used to say.)
  13. Breathe and move your body often. (At least once a day.)

Can you see the amazing and beautiful YOU yet?