"Because that is the way it is!"
I have always hated that as an answer! I got it a lot when I was growing up. You have to admit that it is a pretty bad answer to common questions…especially when it comes to familiar questions we ask about love and marriage.
Have you ever asked these things?
Why can’t I be happy with a partner that is not my same religion, culture, or race? Maybe I want to expand my understanding and possibilities…
Why is wondering if I am gay something to be ashamed of?
Why am I not taught how to develop my sexuality when it clearly becomes such an important part of my ability to create physical intimacy with my special someone?
I have said many times we should be talking more about sex and poop, for these are the things that create a long and happy life! “STACI, for heaven sakes,” my mother would sternly say. “Don’t say things like that!”
“Why?” was my reply.
“Because that is the way it is!” she answered.
And…why is it not ok to speak up for myself, and ask for what I want, and express myself fully?
Why must I hide my true feelings? And what about when you attack me, why can’t I stand up for myself? Why must I sit there and take it or try to make the situation better?
Does not sharing my feelings make relationships work better? If so, then why do I feel so empty?
And what is this "commitment" thing when it comes to love…
Why do we need to get married? Does getting married create more love?
And why do we measure the success of a marriage by how long it lasts, does that really matter?
Is it more important for me to be in a committed relationship for time or for happiness, fulfillment, satisfaction and joy for however long it lasts?
Why do we treat people who have children out of wedlock as bad and wrong?
Isn’t it more important to focus on their ability to love and support those same children into becoming extraordinary, loving adults?
Why is commitment so scary?
Why do I feel trapped?
What if I feel I choose the wrong partner, or I change my mind, or really screw things up, does that make me a horrible person or a failure at love?
“Many of us are pawns in a game of love we don’t understand.” – Leo Buscaglia
And when someone asks me how many relationships I’ve had, when do I start counting? Do I begin counting with my first grade school crush, or my first kiss? The first time I went steady with a “real” boyfriend that walked me home from school in seventh grade? Or my first actual date in high school? (Man he was sooooo cute!) Or do I begin counting from my college days when I sensed I was truly in love for the first time?
Or am I to count only the times I was actually married? Or only the men I had children with? Or just my “serious” relationships after the age of 30?
How about this…
Why do we count at all? What is it all supposed to mean when I come to a final tally, anyhow?
Aren’t we all just growing and learning about relationships anyway, and with each relationship ultimately contributing to who we are becoming now?
Have you ever noticed that there are no formal studies when it comes to love and relationships? Mostly just opinions, attitudes, and judgments?
Haven’t you just been told many times, “Because that is the way it is..."
What do you say we change that?!